Captivating: Haunted by a Question
So, earlier we talked about woman having a desire to play an irreversible role in a great adventure. I think most women I know feel that way! But, is anyone else out there feeling like maybe they aren’t getting that opportunity? Like they are swallowed up by routine and chores, laundry and things that just need to be done. Am I alone in this? Sometimes the day to day doesn’t feel like an adventure and we all start to wonder if we really matter. We doubt the role we are playing.
But, the question we all ask is possibly rooted in lack of self-confidence or self-assurance. We get nervous going into social situations. I love how Stasi explains this:
“When it comes to the issues surrounding beauty, we vacillate between striving and resignation. New diets, new outfits, new hair color. Work out; work on your life; try this discipline or that new program for self-improvement. Oh, forget it. Who cares anyway? Put up a shield and get on with life. Hide. Hide in busyness; hide in church activities; hide in depression. There is nothing captivating about me. Certainly not, inside me. I’ll be lucky to pull it off on the outside…. every woman is haunted by Eve in the core of her being. She knows, if only when she passes a mirror, that she is not what she was meant to be. We are more keenly aware of our own shortcomings than anyone else. Remembering the glory that was once ours awakens my heart to an ache that has long gone unfulfilled. It’s almost too much to hope for, too much to have lost.”
Everyone is asking questions because everyone deep down desires to be loved. Boys will has if they have what it takes. They play superhero games and prove that they can win a fight. They are constantly searching for validation. Girls are asking if they are lovely, twirling in their skirts, playing dress-up and pretending to be princesses. And, as adults, we are still fueled by this same desire to be desired.
Let’s take this back to the beginning. When we were first created, Adam and Eve (man and woman) were naked and unashamed. They were sure of themselves. Now, when they encountered the serpent at the Tree, Eve was easily convinced and Adam didn’t say anything to go against her. This is where we as men and women sometimes fall short. Women want men to fight for their attention, fight for us, to have an opinion and not go along with everything we say. And, women sometimes lend themselves to be
“grasping, reaching, controlling, and are often enchanted, like Eve, so easily falling prey to the lies of our Enemy. Having forfeited our confidence in God, we believe that in order to have the life we want, we must take matters into our own hands. And, we ache with an emptiness nothing seems to be able to fill.”
Because of the tree, Adam and Eve were both cursed. “Women are cursed with loneliness (relational heartache), with the urge to control (especially her man), and with the dominance of men (which is not how things were meant to be, and we are not saying it is a good thing- it is the fruit of the Fall and a sad fact of history). ”
I don’t know about you, but I think this is true in my life and in my marriage.
I am going to just bullet point the things I took from this next part because I really did learn a lot about my own tendencies and women’s tendencies in general that really made sense to me.
- Woman dominate and control because they fear their vulnerability.
- Far too many women forfeit their femininity in order to feel safe and in control. Their strength feels more masculine than feminine. There is nothing inviting or alluring, nothing tender or merciful about them.
- Controlling women tend to be very well rewarded in this fallen world of ours. We are the ones to receive corporate promotions. We are the ones put in charge of our women’s ministries.
- We have never considered that by living a controlling and domineering life, we are really refusing to trust our God.
- Desolate women might be busy women who hide behind, “There’s so much work to do.”
- We will not risk rejection or looking like a fool. We have spoken in the past and been met with blank stares and mocking guffaws. We will not do it again.
- And so by hiding, we take matters into our own hands. We don’t return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts.”
Reading all of these tendencies of a woman, some are more true in my life than others, but it is extremely eye-opening. I am thinking I may want to read the book that was written for the guys, Wild at Heart when I am finished with Captivating because it will probably explain so much more! Stasi ends this chapter saying:
“And down in the depths of our hearts, our Question remains. Unanswered. Or, rather, it remains answered in the way it was answered so badly in our youth. Am I lovely? Do you see me? Do you want to see me? Are you captivated by what you find in me? We live haunted by the Question, yet unaware that it still needs an answer. When we were young, we knew nothing about Eve and what she did and how it affected us all. We do not first bring our heart’s Question to God, and too often, before we can, we are given answers in a very painful way. We are wounded into believing horrid things about ourselves. And so every woman comes into their world set up for terrible heartbreak.”
I know this is kind of a somber way to end this chapter, but I think it sets us up to talk about what hope we may have in Christ. Stick with us. Have a great week!
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Motivation | Marriage | Mondays
